I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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