I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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