I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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