Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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