his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
