I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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