living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
