There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
