More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
