Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
