he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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