Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
