I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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