Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
