It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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