i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
