Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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