I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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