If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
