Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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