we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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