Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
