Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
