Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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