So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
