Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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