Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "