could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell