Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again