dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
