I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
