the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
