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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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