So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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