So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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