Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
