I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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