Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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