In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
