dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
