everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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