shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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