i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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