end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
