Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
