Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
