I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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