Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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