Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
