If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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