She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
