So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
