You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
