I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
