guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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