I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
