i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
