So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
