I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
