47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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