I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
