She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
