i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
