The maid of honor just puked.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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