i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
