best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
